Category Archives: Reviews

Wet Goddess: Recollections of a dolphin lover

By Kim Huynh

I recently stumbled upon an article from The Sun declaring that author Malcolm Brenner’s book, Wet Goddess: Recollections of a Dolphin Lover, was a “hit.” And by “hit” they meant it had a 5 star rating on Amazon (which has since been downgraded to 3 1/2 stars last time I checked). ‘Wet Goddess’ recounts his sexual relationship with a captive female dolphin called Ruby in the 1970s while working at a Florida theme park. From The Sun:

Mr Brenner, of Florida, said that the ‘relationship’ started after ‘she began raking her teeth lightly against my arms and legs which was indescribably erotic’.

He added: “The dolphin initiated the whole sexual thing….she was in isolation (and) was using me to satisfy her sexual needs.”

He said that Ruby died after he left to go to college, adding that she ‘probably died of a broken heart’.

He said: “I’d warn anyone who’s in a relationship with a dolphin. You have to plan an exit strategy.”

Miami New Times reports:

“It was the most intense experience I’ve ever had,” [Malcolm Brenner] said of the physical consummation of the relationship. “A transcendental experience. I felt I was completely wrapped up.”

[Malcolm Brenner] claims that the novel isn’t to promote bestiality or to exploit his relationship, but to show that marine mammals are smart animals capable of emotions and relationships and deserve protection in their natural environment. So, it’s basically like The Cove, but with sex scenes.

As you can imagine, the polarizing ‘Wet Goddess’ elicited mixed reviews on Amazon. One reader writes: “Believe or not his experiences, you will be touched to the core with his torment, love and the struggle to cope with his lost love. I found the book to be a tear jerker and an emotional experience for the reader as well. ” Another furiously exclaims: “This man is SICK with a capital “S”!!! SHAME ON AMAZON FOR SELLING SUCH A SICK BOOK ON SEX WITH BEASTS!!!”

I have always been curiously drawn to stories of taboo love affairs and had to find out more. I discovered that Malcolm Brenner created a website: Realm of the Wet Goddess, a resource for esoteric information about dolphins, whales and other marine mammals available nowhere else!”.  The site also offers a sample chapter from the book about “a hot date gone very, very wrong.” In the chapter, our protagonist, “Zack”, has taken a girl named Elaine on a date to the theme park where she hopes to swim with Ruby. Here’s an excerpt:

“Can I come in yet?” Elaine yelled.
“Just a minute,” I yelled back.
At least Ruby wasn’t trying to take me anywhere! She rolled in my arms, bringing her head up and pushing us farther out, so my feet came off the bottom. A second later, I felt her genital slit pressing the waffled soles of my sneakers. But her efforts seemed half-hearted compared to her usual flagrance, as if she found the audience inhibiting.

Cut that out! I thought.

Ruby was gentle and circumspect, but she wouldn’t stop. She stared blankly, pretending she couldn’t receive me, trying to convince me that human-dolphin telepathy was a stupid fantasy I’d dreamed up while getting stoned one night.

If I had been an observer instead of a participant, trying to stop a horny dolphin from rubbing off on my shoes while my girlfriend watched, I would have burst out laughing. On the shore was Elaine, who professed to like me but wasn’t about to let me so much as cop a feel, while out here was Ruby, who would happily screw my brains out but happened to be the wrong species.

I must guiltily admit I was disappointed that those 50 pages don’t include any actual dophin sex, unless you count dolphin masturbation. At one point Zack witnesses Ruby playing around with a hose. He talks to a woman at the park, Salina:

“Do you have any idea what she was doing with it?”

“Of course! She was hoping it would go zip!” Salina thrust an index finger at her crotch.

“You mean…?” I stammered.

“Yes.” Salina sat back, studying me. “She was using it like a dildo. They’re very bright, you know.”

“Do they uh, breed in captivity?” I asked, wary of offending her.

“Are you kidding? They screw like crazy! But the females, for some reason, won’t conceive, that pool’s too small. Out in the wild it would be a different story.”

Her bluntness caught me off-guard. When my mother got angry her mouth could make a Marine Corps drill instructor blush, but not having grown up around rich people I thought they were stuffy and inhibited and didn’t talk about things like s-e-x the way the rest of us did. Salina’s unexpected earthiness delighted me.

“Ruby’s incredibly horny in that little pen, all by herself,” she went on. “I’ve told Beau, but he just doesn’t seem to want to do anything about it. When she was smaller, he used to move her up to the main pool to be with the male dolphins every now and then.”

“I bet she enjoyed that!”

Salina rolled her eyes. “They just went nuts! They’re like us – they need a good screw every so often or they go crazy.”

Like Salina, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for this horny little dolphin. If all this doesn’t seem like a plausible scenario to you, listen to one Amazon reviewer who explains:

Having worked at a Large Aquarium I have witnessed Dolphins getting frisky with trainers. I asked if what I saw was what I think I saw was happening and the trainer said “Yes, just like a dog trying to hump your leg but they are a bit smarter and know were to go”….she explained it was quite common and that is why they wear a very strong protective wetsuit to prevent such indecent. Also it could be extremely dangerous if someone was swimming with one alone in a flimsy  bikini because male dolphins penises are about 12″ in length and have a cartilage like bone that could damage the insides of a person. I ask what about female dolphins and she explained it would be equally dangerous because the female dolphin can control her muscles and squeeze with such pressure that could be life threatening to a human male if one was to attempt such an act. So as outrageous as this book is it is certainly plausibly this book is true, however the author was risking his life and I would not recommend anyone to try to duplicate the actions of the author. But don’t we all risky life and limb when it comes to love ?

 I doubt the author knew what kind of danger he was in when he decided to consummate his relationship with Ruby, though it seems he probably wouldn’t have cared. Luckily he didn’t end up like a certain Seattle man who died after having sex with a horse back in 2005. I have never personally viewed any bestiality porn but I gather in most cases it would constitute serious animal abuse.

In the case of Malcolm Brenner and his beloved Ruby, however, perhaps this truly was a tender, consensual interspecies love affair. After all, some scientists believe that  interspecies sexual activity may have been responsible for the evolution of entire new species. Either way, what little I read of ‘Wet Goddess’ was completely captivating. What are your thoughts on this story? Weigh in below.

Orgasm Inc. Movie Review (video)

By Kim Huynh

I finally had a chance last night to watch Orgasm Inc., a funny yet frightening documentary directed by Liz Canner about the pharmaceutical industry’s race to create a drug that treats Female Sexual Dysfunction. You may have heard about FSD on the news before, but what you might not know is that FSD is less of a “disease” and more of a marketing ploy created by drug companies in order to turn a profit. Liz Canner first heard about Female Sexual Dysfunction when she was hired by a pharmaceutical company to edit erotic videos to use in drug trials for a female Viagra. Canner was given permission to film this company for a documentary that was initially about science and pleasure but would end up being a 9 year journey exploring how the medical industry is taking advantage of women and endangering women’s health in their pursuit for billions of dollars.

As Liz Canner exposes in Orgasm Inc., the figure tossed around in the media that “43 percent of women suffer from some sort of sexual dysfunction” comes from an old sociological survey conducted in the nineties concluding actually that women are about 40% more likely than men to report sexual dissatisfaction. This information has been manipulated to create fear and send healthy women running to their doctors to cure a made-up disorder. The reason why many women are dissatisfied with their sex lives is generally not that there is something medically wrong with them, but more likely due to the fact that it is more difficult for women than men to achieve orgasm during sex. This is sometimes due to stress, body image issues or simply lack of sexual knowledge.

I have been disturbed for many years now by the extent to which corporate greed in this country has resulted in Americans being the most over-medicated nation in the world.  As Liz Canner tells us in Orgasm Inc.: “The USA makes up just 5% of the world’s population but it accounts for 42% of the world’s spending on prescription drugs.” And according to the Associated Press back in 2005, “About 130 million Americans swallow, inject, inhale, infuse, spray, and pat on prescribed medication every month, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (search) indicates. Americans buy much more medicine per person than any other country” (Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,153758,00.html#ixzz1XnnvsRQx).

Orgasm Inc. also reveals that pseudo celebrity sisters Dr. Laura Berman and Dr. Jennifer Berman were paid up to $75,000 a day by pharmaceutical companies to promote diseases on news programs around the country. The Bermans appeared on Oprah and various other news networks touting the sexual benefits of Viagra long after it was revealed that the drug had no proven effect in helping women achieve orgasm.

Liz Canner also takes a brief look at the disturbing new trend of vaginoplasty, aka vaginal rejuvenation, the latest cash cow for plastic surgery companies that is being promoted in magazines across the country and can have devastating, sometimes even fatal, consequences.

What can we do to take a stand against this medical corporate greed that is endangering not only the physical but mental health of women in America and around the world? One step you can take is to host a screening of Orgasm Inc. in your own community to educate people about this growing threat. For more info, go to http://orgasminc.org/take-action-screenings-host.php

Stay tuned for details on the FKMYSELF.COM screening of Orgasm Inc.

View the trailer:

BIG TEAZE TOYS REVIEW!

My friend Tony over at Big Teaze Toys was generous enough to give me 4 brand new pretty sex toys to try out:

1) I Rub My Duckie Paris (black)

Price:
$32.99

The product description:

Parisian women are renowned all over the world for their elegant style. Our globe-trotting I Rub My Duckie® found this to be true during a recent romantic journey to the City of Lights, when he discovered a lover of great mystery and charm, a Femme Fatale by the name of Paris™ the embodiment of Parisian style and seDucktion!

You, too, are sure to be enchanted with Paris™, elegantly dressed in feathered boa and genuine Swarovsky crystal beak jewel!

Like our other I Rub My Duckie® products, Paris™ is waterproof (the Boa is removable), and very discreet, featuring strong, but quiet vibrations. With our Paris™ Duckie, life and bath time are truly… C’est magnifique!

Magnifique indeed. Isn’t she pretty? I have this baby on top of my nightstand next to a gold Buddha. My parents could walk in to my room and be none the wiser. They may even walk out smiling that their grown up girl still enjoys having such an innocent plaything. That’s what I love about Big Teaze Toys products, they are completely incognito. I wish I’d had one of these in college to take with me to the dorm room showers. I received the most concentrated amount of pressure from the head but what I really enjoyed was pressing and rubbing myself against the Duckie’s large body, which distributed very powerful sensations all over. I also had fun teasing myself with the soft feather boa :) Yep, Paris and I are pretty much BFF now.

2) B3™ Onyé (Pearl White/Pink)

Price:
$54.99

The product description:

B3™ Onyé is a celebration of Beauty & Sensuality and has been lovingly formed with sensuous lines and curves to enhance your erotic pleasure.  Onyé is carefully crafted of virgin, phthalate-free plastics, hygienic stainless steel and non-porous silicone.  The softly-textured, non-slip grip nestles securely in the palm and allows you to focus on the welcome waves of vibration radiating from the softly-contoured, cylindrical body.  Compact (4 ½” long) and discreet for travel.  Onyé  features eight blissful modes of vibration: 3 speeds, from gentle to intense; and 5 patterns of pulsation for a variety of pleasurable experiences!  Each Onyé is beautifully packaged and includes a chic, satin-lined display case for storage.  Splash proof.
Requires three AAA batteries (not included).
Be One with B3™!

I highly recommend being one with the Onyé . I first tried using it with my boyfriend without realizing that there were so many different speeds; it took a lot of clicking mid coitus to get us back to the right one . I loved  just laying still and resting the toy against my clitoris while clicking through and pausing on the different pulsation patterns. It’s like 5 different kinds of foreplay  in a tiny compact cylinder.

3) B3™ Onyé Fleur: Lavender Pearl

Price:
$35.99
Product description:
B3™ Onyé Fleur is a celebration of Beauty & Sensuality, lovingly formed to enhance your pleasure.  Crafted of virgin plastics, it is hygienic and non-porous for easy cleaning.  The softly textured, non-slip grip allows you to focus on the welcome waves of vibration radiating from the delicately-contoured, cylindrical body.  Compact and discreet for travel, Onyé Fleur is Waterproof and features three blissful speeds of vibration (from gentle to very intense) and has the most power in its size class.  Onyé Fleur measures 4 ½ inches in length and 1 ¼ inches in diameter.  Like all Big Teaze Toys products, Onyé Fleur contains no latex, phthalates, lead or heavy metals.  Onyé Fleur for Truly Affordable Luxury!

This toy was basically like the previous one but came only in 3 speeds and without the 5 additional pulsation patterns. Much sleeker, smoother and easier to grasp than the pocket rocket. What I like to do with a toy like this is move it up, down and all around, shoving the tip in and out. This works especially well when I lay flat on my stomach and hold it against my clitoris underneath me, grinding my hips back and forth. (I’m getting turned on just thinking about it…) I’d say it’s worth shelling out some extra money to get the pulsation patterns, but as a back up vibrator (you never know when you might accidentally leave one in your hotel room somewhere!) this is pretty awesome.

4) Flower Power™: White

Price: $15.49
Production description:
Flower Power™ personal massagers are not your garden-variety vibes!  The textured center blasts high-powered vibrations to soothe and titillate every woman.  Each flower has a soft, flexible petal ring that can either radiate delicious vibrations when attached to the vibe or serve as a unique cock ring when removed!   Collect your own Bouquet of Passion!

Another discreet sex toy. I could leave this lying around in my car for emergencies. Not a bad idea actually… I was a little confused at first about how to turn it on; it comes with batteries inside but you have to screw open the center of the flower and remove a black little strip to make it work. The flower comes with 3 A76 batteries, those little round ones, and personally the vibrations aren’t quite strong enough to get me off, but it’s a good warm up toy to use for foreplay with a partner and the rubbery petals are nice to grind up against.

Which of these products would you be most interested in trying out? Weigh in below.