Here are some of my favorite photographs from a spread for C-Heads magazine by Aussie photog David Hauserman “pay[ing] homage to the original 1980s freestyle aerobic workout. A spectacular story where it´s all about bending, stretching, sweating and flexing. And girl power.”
I’m currently obsessed with these modern vintage collages by California filmmaker and artist Eugenia Loli. She says, “It’s important for me to ‘say’ something with my artwork, so for the vast majority of my work there’s a meaning behind them. I usually do this via presenting a ‘narrative’ scene in my collages, like there’s something bigger going on than what’s merely depicted. Sometimes the scene is witty or sarcastic, some times it’s horrific with a sense of danger or urgency, some times it’s chill. I leave it to the viewer’s imagination to fill-in the blanks of the story plot.”
Hi kids. How ya doing? It’s time for some flash fiction and a little bit of poetry. This first piece comes from a friend of mine over at fictionmostly.com and it’s titled:
her slingshot legs
I brought my face up and looked through her slingshot legs.
“Jesus, you melt in my mouth,” I said.
She guided me back to her flesh fountain. “Don’t talk with your mouth full,” she instructed. “And don’t call me, ‘Jesus.’”
After we fed one another, she turned and faced the wall. She would sleep soon. “Lock the screen door, too,” she said. And I did. And on the way to my car, I saw the same cat as always, a little mountain dividing the road. I waved and it didn’t wave back, but we had an understanding — visit its neighborhood, yes, but live here — never.
And because breakups inspire [terrible?] poetry I give you:
donuts and Woody Harrelson
I saw the best minds of my generation
Get the shit kicked out of them by love
Strong weary men
Crumpled and whimpering, wailing
The names of their odd bedfellows
turned to ash on their tongues
I did this
I did this
I broke you
You held my heart in your hands
and I took yours between my teeth
I broke you
You broke me too
But I tasted it first
And now I’m nothing but a tourist
And all the weed is gone
(You never liked my smoke)
And I’m sleeping to dream about
threesomes with hot bitches
and Woody Harrelson?
Woody fucking Harrelson!
Damn you HBO
Damn you San Francisco
I can’t decide if I’m hot or cold or dead
I never needed a sugar daddy
But I had you and our warm bed
where we fucked and watched
critically acclaimed dramas together
The tears won’t come anymore
and I still need a release
50 shades of literary monstrosity won’t cut it
I can’t come
I can’t cry
I just ate nine Krispy Kremes
And it’s too early in the morning for self loathing
“Just as love crowns you, so shall he crucify you”
Well call me motherfucking Jesus.
I wish I was still in your bed
The World Cup is upon us, and even guys and gals out there who don’t give a shit about sports can agree on one thing– those soccer players are fucking sexy. But while they may have no problem getting laid, are they allowed to? The folks at PolicyMic posted a piece yesterday breaking down the sexual rules governing each soccer (or football to the rest of the world) team by country. While some, including the Ancient Greeks, believed that carnal activities deplete your energy and can poorly affect performance (that sax player from Seinfeld trying to play after boning Elaine comes to mind), others find that the tension release actually helps them to relax and allows for optimum playing. Here’s the policy for 8 different teams competing this year:
Yes. The U.S. national team coach said this week, “I think we have a group of guys together and an environment together that is very open, very casual. But once we go on the field for training and also for the games, we are very serious and down to business.”
Yes. (Surprising anyone?) Manager Didier Deschamps says that sex is allowed, but “it all depends on where, how and how much… I don’t want them to be cut off from the outside world.”
Maybe. As long as visits happen within the training and match schedule, families and partners can come to Brazil. Back in 2010 though, coach Fabio Capello swore to uphold the sex ban by monitoring the players through their hotel t.v. sets. Creepy.
Maybe. Super Eagles coach Stephen Keshi was advised by former team captain and manager Christian Chukwu to keep players away from temptation, though it’s not clear whether an official ban has been put in place. Keshi says, “In my days as a player, even as a coach, I made it a point of duty to stay away from women, because sex has a lot of spiritual things attached to it.”
Depends. Luiz Felipe Scolari says players can engage in “normal intercourse” (vanilla?) but acrobatic sex is not permitted.
No. Manager Safet Susic: “They can find another solution, they can even masturbate if they want… I am not interested what the other coaches do. This is not a holiday trip: We are there to play football at the World Cup.”
No. Coach Jorge Sampaoli has said no sex (and no soda).
No. Manager Miguel Herrera says that “If a player can’t go one month or 20 days without having sexual relations, then they are not prepared to be a professional player,” which seems harsh but understandable considering the prostitution scandals that have rocked their team. Well there you have it. And if you haven’t seen the very sexy/let’s fuck shit up World Cup promo that Beats put out yesterday, take 5 minutes and watch it NOW. It’ll blow your socks off.
I was moved to tears last week reading responses to the Supreme Court’s DOMA decision last week- it was not just a victory for the LGBT community but for our country and humanity. It fills me with great hope and pride to see that our nation can overcome hundreds of years of prejudice and delusion to take a stand for justice and equality.
The battle to eradicate sexual shame in America is far from over- bullying continues daily, abstinence education prevails in many schools (and let’s not forget that the sale of sex toys in parts of the south is still illegal. Seriously). I have faith, however, that we will continue to move forward and grow to do what is right. The revolution is NOW.
Here are some photos I snapped outside San Francisco’s City Hall after the Pride parade Sunday night:
I’m sure Lincoln would be proud. Here are some other favorite photos from the week:
Love is love.
By Kristine Deguzman | Reposted from Em & Lo
A few years ago, when I was a bright-eyed junior at UC Berkeley, I wrote about how my boyfriend and I were going on a break before I left to study abroad in Spain. At the time we had been together for two years, and I remember the reaction I received — from friends and readers alike — who thought I was being unrealistic in thinking that I could hook up with a slew of Spanish men and return to my relationship unscathed.
Well, I’m happy to report that that three years (and many attractive foreign men) later, my boyfriend and I are still together and still as much in love as we were before — if not more so.
Though our relationship has passed the five-year mark, this is not to say that it has been without its difficulties. I’m not going to lie and say our relationship was full of sunshine and daisies after I got back from Spain, because it wasn’t. We dated other people and, yes, slept with other people, and like any normal relationship there were fights and there was jealousy and there was crying — lots and lots of crying.
But in the end, there was and is always a decision — do we give up or do we work it out? And amidst all of the fights, we always chose each other. (Plus, it became kind of kinky to talk about the other people we’d had sex with while having sex with each other — how’s that for dirty talk?)
In the two years that followed my trip to Spain we stayed in a mostly monogamous relationship, though there were a few occasions at parties where he gave me permission to kiss other people (and I, likewise, extended the same courtesy). However, since my boyfriend moved back to LA last September, we’ve returned to experimenting with the boundaries of our relationship, and we’re currently in a long-distance, open relationship.
We don’t have a timeline for when we’ll no longer be long-distance, since I work in the tech industry (which is booming in San Francisco) and he works in the entertainment industry (which basically doesn’t exist outside of Hollywood), but we have talked about moving to New York together within the next two or three years. As far as whether or not our open relationship will continue once we’re back in the same city — it’s kind of unknown. Though, it does seem hard to justify either of us sleeping with other people when the other is just a quick Metro ride away.
Most of the people who I talk to about our relationship are either really supportive or really confused. The confused ones often ask, “Why waste your time with other people if you have a good thing?” Others have admitted that they think it’s hubris for my boyfriend and I to think that we can have our cake (each other) and have sex with other people on the side too.
I think that most of the people who question our relationship do so because they could never imagine themselves in the same situation, and that’s perfectly fine. I don’t think my boyfriend and I have the gold standard of relationships upon which all other relationships should mold themselves, and neither of us goes around telling other couples that they should try spicing things up a bit by sleeping with other people.
What it boils down to, at least for us, is communication — my boyfriend and I talk everyday, several times a day, to the point where my sister now rolls her eyes and says, “Again?! You just talked an hour ago,” whenever she sees my boyfriend calling. We also have pretty specific “rules” in our open relationship (in contrast to the “anything goes” policy we had during our break when I was in Spain). The rules are as follows:
• Dates must be disclosed in advance.
• Potential suitors must know about the existence of the other person.
• Kissing is basically like shaking hands – doesn’t need to be disclosed unless it leads into a date.
• Condoms must be used with all extraneous sexual partners.
We’re so honest with each other that we rarely even fight anymore. I told him when I joined OkCupid, and he joined soon thereafter. We deactivated our OkCupid accounts somewhere around the same time, since neither of us had any luck meeting people in whom we were truly interested. A few months ago, when a trio of boys chatted up a couple of friends and I at a bar, I joked with him about it afterwards. We still talk to each other about our crushes, including one in particular that was so deep and overwhelming that I thought for sure it would tear us apart.
But even with the most destructive of crushes, honest communication was and is the key to making it work – in this particular scenario, my boyfriend ended up giving me permission to date this person despite his misgivings about the situation. The crush fizzled out anyway, but I had even more respect for my boyfriend afterwards for being so rational and levelheaded about it all.
When I envision the trajectory of my life, he is the one I see at the end. He will always be the person I choose when it comes down to it, and I know he feels the same. So why not have some fun with other people along the way?
How do you feel about monogamy vs. open relationships? Have you and your partner ever tried an open arrangement? Weigh in below.
*Editor’s note: if you’re looking for a convincing case for open relationships, read the brilliant book Sex At Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray and What It Means for Modern Relationships.
Looks like rapper 50 cent has joined the long list of religious fanatics eager to shame us about our sexual desires. He has gone on Twitter to denounce masturbation, even outlining a 4 step plan to stymy your wanking urges:
So how religious is 50 Cent? According to Hollowverse.com,
50 Cent has never claimed allegiance to any particular Christian denomination, but has expressed a belief in God, saying:
I believe in a higher power. I believe in right and wrong. I believe in God. I believe everything about the [Christian] church is cool, but everybody’s not there in the right spirit.2
He has also credited God to the fact that he has survived being shot 9 times.
Where do Christians get all these ideas about God hating masturbation? One oft cited story is that of Onan:
Genesis 38:8-10 – “Then Judah said to Onan, ‘Lie with your brother’s wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to produce offspring for your brother.’ But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother’s wife he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so he put him to death also.”
Though Onan wasn’t actually masturbating, Christians point to Onan’s “self pollution” as an argument against it.
Since masturbation is generally an act committed out of lust, the following passage is also used as religious ammunition against self pleasure:
Matthew 5:28 – “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who has looked a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
I’m just grateful I was raised Buddhist and never had to go to Sunday school. Did you grow up in a religious household that banned self pleasure? What are your thoughts on 50 Cent’s condemnation? Weigh in below.
One of our readers recounts hitting a pre-teen home run:
I was supposed to have this written a few weeks ago, but I kept getting distracted and procrasturbating! …Get it? Procrastinating and Mas…tur…bating… *tap *tap Is this thing on?
To say that I was a little sexually precocious as a child would be like saying death valley gets kind of warm in July, that Warren Buffett can probably afford to pick up the check for lunch and that Ron Jeremy has bedded a few women; clearly it’s a complete understatement.
By the time I hit adolescence, I was acting as girl crazy as my 18 and 21 year old cousins. Since I spent most of my youth shadowing them, I picked up things about girls, sex and the attitude that got you both. I was bursting with self confidence and I knew how to wield my sexuality even if, at that point, I still had no fucking clue what sex was really about. But I thought I did.
So it should have been no surprise when I soon after, at the age of 12, lost my virginity.
Ha! “Lost”. “Lost my virginity” is such a funny phrase to me. Lost seems to imply an accident has taken place. “Threw that mother fucker over a cliff” is more apt to describe the tenacity with which I pursued the elusive Vagina. I was on a mission to cure a horny condition. And unlike most other 12 year olds (and unfortunately many much older men) I knew what the clitoris was and more importantly where it sleeps at night and how it likes to be talked to. I knew how to kiss passionately and about how to listen to the needs of each individual woman.
I realize that losing one’s virginity sub 14 years old isn’t very common. I realize that many people have a problem with this. I will be one of the first to say that for 99.9% of kids that age, it is a bad idea. Personally, I have no regrets about it. Whenever I get into a conversation with someone about past sexual experiences and we eventually get to the topic of our virginity, the look I get is always one of two things: 1. Confusion/disbelief. 2. Nervous smile. Mostly it’s a combination of the two strangely alternating on their face in a “what the fuck do I say here?” kind of dance. To understand how at the age of 12 I had sex with a woman of 28, you should probably hear a little about what my upbringing was like.
I can remember touching myself and exploring what was going on down there from as early as 6 years old. I have a memory from when I was about 7 years old about my mom discussing masturbation with me. She’s nervous and a little awkward as she tells me it’s a natural thing that everyone does. Apparently the night before, she returned home from grocery shopping and caught a glimpse of me giving myself the business in my room. Apparently she also began purposely making noise so I would hear she was home and stop my one man band short of the impending crescendo. Apparently I was having too much damn fun to notice there was a world beyond me and my penis, and kept right on going. She decided she should have a talk with me the next day. The thing was, I already knew it wasn’t something shameful or bad…it felt so good, how could it be? But still, when I look back, I am grateful to have had a parent that at least got this part of it right. Had I been in another type of household where masturbation is a “sin” or something to be ashamed of, who knows how that would have shaped me for the rest of my life.
At 9 I found my step-father’s box ‘o porn. Some good shit, some pretty weird shit. And this was before ubiquitous online smut of every flavor and hue. When he discovered some of his tapes were out of place, he asked me about it and I admitted my actions. He never once said anything negative about it. He would openly joke with me about it, but never in a way that was meant to make me feel silly or ashamed.
At 11, my mom agreed to let me keep a stack of Playboy magazines which her current boyfriend had, at first, unsuccessfully tried to sneak over for me. This made me a very popular kid among my friends.
This open parental consent and championing of sexuality was the seed of my blooming sexual confidence. This of course led to confidence in other aspects of my personality and you might argue that this is what led to me having sex at such a young age. You might, but you’d be wrong. Mostly wrong, anyway. I believe the biggest contributing factor was actually what my parents got wrong about my upbringing. My biological father would never be in the picture and my step-father was almost never there. My mother was a single parent for most of my life and took a rather “laissez-faire” stance on my rearing. I never had a curfew and I was very rarely in any kind of trouble with her for the trouble that I was in with other authority figures. Exploration was common not just with sex, but also with drugs and other forms of behavior.
My Cherry Poppin’ Mama, let’s just call her Mary Kay, was actually a close friend of my mom; and the mother of a friend of mine. Got it? Not exactly a perfect situation, but it was what it was. Mary Kay and I had a bit of an affair building for some time. It started out one night with a kiss that left her briefly in shock; I still remember her pulling back after a few seconds and saying, “You’re not supposed to know how to kiss like that” before going back in for more. Each time we would be at a social gathering, she and I would sneak off and I would sweet talk her like I had learned to do. I would touch her and ask her to describe how it felt so her mind would focus deeply on each touch. After a number of these secret meetings, one night I came home from being out with friends to find her at my house. She had made an excuse to my mom for why she needed to be there.
This was premeditated.
She waited for my mom to fall asleep and told her she would let herself out. When I walked in the door, she pounced. She pulled me close and whispered to me that she couldn’t stand it any longer, that she needed to have me now. I picked her up and carried her to my room as silently as possible. My mom was sleeping in the next room and I knew that despite how open she had been before, this would not be something that she would be okay with. Mary Kay pulled off my shirt and tore at my belt before slowing down like she was about to undo the last bit of ribbon on a birthday present. She took me in her mouth and began to moan as nature took over and my penis became a cock. She was speeding up and seemed now too eager to have me inside of her. I slowed her down and stripped her remaining clothes off one by one. As I laid her on her back, I went down on her with a zealousness seldom seen in competitive eating champions. I covered her mouth with my hand to muffle her sounds, her back arched and her muscles tensed in one unifying tight burst before relaxing and sinking back into my shitty, polyester, KMart bed spread. She then took me in her hands and stroked until I was ready. That first moment when you have breached the walls and feel yourself surrounded by the warmth and wetness is not easy to describe. I felt for the first time the miracle of sex. The simultaneous delight of pleasing and being pleased.
That was my first time. I kept it a secret for a whole week before I told my best friend at the time. I replayed each moment in detail and felt a different kind of excitement come over me. The thought of not just my friend, but knowing that this story will eventually get out and other girls soon having thoughts of me rock around in their mind thoroughly excited me. I had a premonition of what was to come for the next several years of my life. My legend was established. I was the youngest person anyone knew of that had sex. I was also the only one to have slept not with a girl, but a woman. By the time High School came along, most other people I knew were openly having sex and exploring their sexuality. High School was a very fun and educational time for many of us in this sense.
In college my number of partners grew. However, so did my understanding of sex and the purpose it can have in one’s life and relationships. Sex is at it’s best for me when it’s with someone I truly care about. Sex with anyone else is still pretty good, mind you, but it took me a long time and a number of sexual encounters to fully comprehend what some people already knew: that there is a depth and tranquility that come with giving all of yourself and receiving all of another in mind and body. First, however, you must understand yourself. Be understanding of your flaws and remember that love is all around you. You reach this special place by first loving yourself and a great way to begin is by loving yourself physically. Today, I maintain that an open attitude towards sex and masturbation are crucial to overall mental health and in feeling connected not just with another, but with yourself and a greater, more mysterious energy you feel when at peace.
No matter how you lost it, or if you still haven’t, learn from what took me a while to figure out is most important. Work on loving yourself and someone will eventually love you the same.
Any questions, comments, statements, inquiries or things you want to know? Please feel free to speak up below.
This week a video has been making the rounds on the interwebs that may at first glance seem hilarious but upon further examination is really pretty scary and honestly quite infuriating. Jehovah’s Witnesses created a series of American Sign Language videos, one of which explains to people why they shouldn’t be masturbating. Someone had the genius idea of adding a soundtrack to it: R. Kelly’s classic “Ignition (Remix)”. The original was taken down due to a copyright claim by Watch Tower Bible, but luckily other versions are still available online:
Some thought the PSA had to be a fake because of the comically exaggerated facial expressions, but the video is sadly very real (facial expressions are an integral part of ASL). Your first question might be, as one reddit user posed, “what’s he saying at the part where he clearly cums on his chest and then rubs it around and then is like OH SHIT GROSS I JUST RUBBED SEMEN ALL OVER ME?” You can try to figure it out because another user posted a loose translation:
Hi some of you are used to male masturbating or female masturbating, may feel nothing wrong
Oh, Jehovah is looking and is disgusted, why? Masturbating is inherently selfish and is all focused on your inner wants.
What is sex for? Sex is for men and women who love each other.
Some people are overcome by lust and say they need to masturbate for relief. They can hold that back. People that masturbate will be overcome by more feelings of lust and will be compelled to masturbate more. They will have sex on the brain constantly.
They will look at men and woman with lust. Here’s what Paul said
Third guy – Corinthians
It’s important to keep your mind and body pure. Any thoughts that sully the body, Jesus (Jehovah) is against it. Purify the body for the sake of being the same as Jesus (Jehovah).
Back to second guy
It’s important to keep the mind and body pure. If you’ve been masturbating for awhile, it may be tough to stop even if you want to. If you have failures, you may feel like you’re failing in the eyes of Jehovah. But, Jehovah won’t view you like that. Jehovah knows you through and through, and understands your travails and struggles. If you beg for forgiveness, Jehovah will understand and forgive. Don’t be afraid to ask Jehovah for help and understanding. The relationship between you and Jehovah is like a father and children. When children do something wrong and ask their father for forgiveness, the father is understanding and comforting. Just like the father, Jehovah is forgiving.
But, is it enough to just do wrong and ask for forgiveness? No. You must also act the part. If your friends confess to masturbation, cut them out of your life. Don’t watch porn. Put your computer in a public place so that you’re not tempted to look at porn. If suggestive ads bother and tempt you, buy a blocking program. They aren’t perfect, but the blockers can help.
If you still struggle with masturbation still, tell your mother and father (unclear here. Strict translation is Jehovah Mother Father, or Jehovah Witness Mother Father).
Or tell a brother and sister (same issue here).
It should come as no surprise that Jehovah’s witnesses only consider sex to be an appropriate act between a man and a woman. But cutting people out of your life because they masturbate?? That seems rather un-Christ like. I will never understand why in this day and age people continue to perpetuate sexual shame and encourage denial of our most basic and natural human instinct. Especially because the consequences can be disastrous; back in 1975, neuropsychologist James Prescott published a paper after conducting extensive cross-cultural research on tolerance for adolescent sexual behavior and compared that data with levels of violence within and between societies.
He found that “deprivation of body pleasure throughout life–but particularly during the formative periods of infancy, childhood, and adolescence–is very closely related to the amount of warfare and interpersonal violence.” As Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá note in their New York Times bestseller Sex At Dawn (get a copy now!), cultures that don’t “prohibit the expression of adolescent sexuality show far lower levels of violence–both between individuals and between societies.” It would certainly explain all the saber rattling that goes on in our shame-based American culture.
This sexual shame even permeates our legal system: Ryan and Jethá write:
In 2003, seventeen-year-old honor student and homecoming king Genarlow Wilson was caught having consensual oral sex with his girlfriend, who had not yet turned sixteen. He was convicted of aggravated child molestation, sentenced to a minimum of ten years in a Georgia prison, and forced to register as a sex offender for life.
Quite a message we’re sending out to our youth. Do you think sexual repression in America leads to more violence? Weigh in below.
So this is why she wakes up in the morning feeling like P. Diddy. Singer Ke$ha told Ryan Seacrest in a recent radio show interview that her new song “Supernatural” is “about experiences with the supernatural, but in a sexy way. I had a couple of experiences with the supernatural.”
Who was this sexy ghost? “I don’t know his name,” Ke$ha tells Seacrest. “He was a ghost! I’m very open to it.” Ke$ha continues describing her upcoming album Warrior, which will be released on December 4th: “There are so many weird topics on this record, from having sexy time with a ghost to getting hypnotized and going into past lives. I just really wanted the theme of this record to be the magic of life.”
Magical indeed. Most of you probably remember Dan Aykroyd’s character enjoying some paranormal kink in Ghostbusters and I’m sure women all across America have fantasized about being haunted by the ghost of Patrick Swayze. But does this kind of thing actually happen to people in real life?
There’s a term for such a phenomenon that also describes people who are sexually attracted to ghosts: it’s spectrophilia. And there are all kinds of accounts of people claiming to have had such paranormal experiences. A special airing on the Travel Channel last year aptly titled Ghostly Lovers featured several women describing their sexual encounters with ghosts. “My husband died in my arms and then came back and made love to me” claims a woman named Stephanie. She goes on to describe a conversation with a recently widowed friend: “‘So Jean, has your husband come back to have sex with you yet?’ She said, ‘Yes, how did you know??'”
“I hope the people watching the show will realize that when they have experiences they think are strange, there are probably other people out there who have had them” says one Ghostly Lover.
We’ve seen a slew of vampire romance stories in the last few years. Perhaps ghost sex will be the next big thing?
Image of Ke$sha from Maxim